They’re About To Cry A River

It’s a sunny afternoon, and I’m manning the rental hut, handing out paddles and life vests to tourists. A couple strolls up, looking a bit too polished for river mud.

Woman: “Hi, we’d like to rent one of the… boats. The quiet ones.”

Me: “…you mean canoes?”

Woman: “Sure, but no paddles. We just want to float and relax.”

Me: “Okay, but without paddles you won’t be able to steer.”

Man: “That’s fine. It’s a round trip, right? Like the current brings us back?”

Me: “…That’s not how rivers work.”

Woman: “But the guy at the resort said this was a loop.”

Me: “He meant the hiking trail. The river has, uh, a strong preference for downstream.”

They stare at me like I’m trying to upsell basic physics.

Woman: “So if we go, we have to… paddle back?”

Me: “Yes, otherwise, your vacation ends in Manitoba.”