They’ll Be Spitting Blood Soon

, , , , | Working | September 27, 2018

(It is a week after I join an office environment, and the majority of my coworkers are extremely friendly. However, there is one coworker who seems a bit off. I am eating my tuna salad while on break one day when the strange coworker slowly walks up to me, in absolute silence. He then SPITS in my food. I instinctively throw my sauce-covered salad at him, and it spills everywhere.)

Me: *shouting* “WHAT THE H*** ARE YOU DOING?!”

Strange Coworker: “What the f*** did you do that for?! It was a joke, dumba**!”

(A manager and a coworker run in and see what happened. Before I can explain, the strange coworker speaks.)

Strange Coworker: “This dumb b**** threw her food at me! All I did was barely prank her!”

Manager: “Wait… What? What the h*** did you do for that response?”

Strange Coworker: “I spat in her food. I was going to buy her new food after, but she smacked me with a salad!”

Manager: “So, you did something disgusting to her own meal that she paid for, which she wouldn’t have known you would repay her, and even if you did repay her, that would waste her break. Did you never stop to consider if she was okay with this?!”

(He is now blushing and in silence. Eventually, another coworker speaks up:)

Coworker: “Actually, you did the same stuff to me when I was new! You would constantly waste my time, and whenever you had an angry caller, you would just pass them onto me with a lame excuse!”

Manager: “[Strange Coworker], I have received a lot of complaints about your lack of manners, and even discrimination. Now I have enough evidence to safely say, ‘You’re fired!’”

(The strange coworker started screaming profanities until he was removed by security. The manager extended my break and bought me some food. Luckily, the job was great after that, and he is still a joke we talk about to this day!)

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