They Would Have LOVED the Early-2000s Internet

I’m a freelance web designer. I’m just starting out and trying to build a client base, so I am taking on new clients even if they initially have a few red flags.

This new client has hired me to build a sleek, modern website for their artisanal soap company. They’ve sent me… a single blurry photo of a bar of soap on a napkin and a three-sentence business plan.

Client: “I want the website to go viral. Like, instantly.”

Me: “…Well, a good website doesn’t get that on its own. That involves a marketing strat—”

Client: “—What about SEO? I heard that’s a button we can add.”

Me: “It’s more of a strategy. Not really a button.”

Client: “Okay, well, I saw a website once that played music when it opened. Can we do that?”

Me: “Technically, yes. Should we? No.”

Client: “I also want it to look like Apple’s site. But with more glitter. And make the soap spin.”

Me: “…Spin?”

Client: “Yes! Like a 3D spin. When you hover over it. With glitter trails. Like a sparkle comet.”

Me: “Got it. Out of curiosity, what’s your budget?”

Client: “A hundred dollars… but I can pay the rest in soap!”