They Should Pass On Parenting

(We’ve just bought a new TV. My boyfriend is taking the remote control out of the packaging. He pauses to laugh, and shows me the sticker it has, saying ‘PASSED’.)

Boyfriend: “You passed! Oh, well done, remote! We are so proud!”

Me: “We will throw you a party to celebrate! Well done, you!”

(My boyfriend opens the back of the remote, to see that is takes AAA batteries, not AA.)

Boyfriend: “Aw! Remote! You take the small batteries!”

Me: “You b******!”

Boyfriend: “We hate you, remote!”

Me: “Pass or not; you’re still a failure in our eyes!”

Boyfriend: “You have brought shame upon this house!”

Me: “…we’re going to be terrible parents.”

Boyfriend: “Only if our children take AAA batteries.”