They Say He’s An Animal In The Bedroom (And Everywhere Else)

My husband is a VERY large man. He gets compared to a variety of large predators fairly often, but probably the most consistent comparison is to a gorilla — to the point that in one of the facilities he used to work in, the kids called him “Silverback”.

Part of this is not just because of the size of him, but also because he is shockingly alert and can go from 0 to 100 the moment anything goes wrong. I learned this firsthand once when someone walked into our apartment uninvited, and my husband was out of a dead sleep — in just boxers — and at the guy’s throat before I could even register what was going on. Poor kid was just extremely intoxicated and thought he was in his own apartment.

We still joke about this event, and today, I saw something online that reminded me of it.

Me: “So, this person put up a tweet about people sleeping naked and was saying, ‘What are you people going to do if someone breaks in?’”

[Husband] laughed.

Me: “Yeah, I couldn’t help but comment. I was like, ‘So, funny story. Turns out—’”

Husband: *Completely deadpan* “Gorillas are always naked.”