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They Missed Day One At Kindergarten: Keeping Your Hands To Yourself

, , , , | Working | March 26, 2021

I’m the only person under fifty on this shift. Everyone has grandchildren and some even have grandchildren my age; I’m thirty-seven.

Before work, we have a meeting for updates, notices, and assignments. I’m sitting in the middle row, talking to [Coworker #1], when another coworker walks behind me. He grabs my ear and twists. I yelp in surprise.

Coworker #2: “Don’t be a baby. I’m just saying hello!”

Me: “Then use your words! I don’t like that.”

Later in the meeting…

Coworker #1: “What is [Leader] saying?”

Me: “He’s giving instructions for the new keypad in the theater.”

She slaps me on the back of the neck.

Coworker #1: “Is he going to tell us what to do on the new keypad?”

Me: “He’s doing that right now.”

She slaps me again.

Coworker #1: “I don’t get what he’s saying. Can you repeat it?”

Me: “If you have questions, ask him. And stop slapping me, please.”

She slaps me again.

Coworker #1: “Get him to speak up. I can’t hear him back here!”

By the time the meeting ends, she’s slapped me four times and still doesn’t know how to use the keypad because she wouldn’t ask for clarification.

Me: “I can show you how to use the keypad when we overlap at 2:00, but please stop slapping me to get [Leader] to answer your question.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, right. I forgot that autistic people don’t like being touched.”

Me: “I’m not autistic. But even if I were, that’s no excuse for hitting me.”

By the end of the day, I’d been slapped in the face by [Coworker #2], who was saying hi again with a sheaf of laminated papers. I fought dirty and got his wife to stop him.

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