They Don’t Know Jack

(While working at an artefact exhibit for the RMS Titanic, I am standing by a list of all passengers and crew on board. The list is broken down by class and survived or lost. )

Customer: “This list is wrong. I can’t seem to find Rose’s or Jack’s name.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Rose DeWitt-Bukater, and Jack Dawson. I looked everywhere in the list, and they’re not there.”

Me: “No, they wouldn’t be.”

Customer: “Well that’s stupid. Rose should be in the first class list, and Jack should be in the third class. This is wrong.”

Me: “Because they’re not real.”

Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure they were.”

Me: “And I’m definitely sure they were not.”

Customer: “Well in the movie—”

Me: “In the MOVIE, Rose gives them a fake name and tells them she’s in third class. She would be listed as Rose Dawson if she existed. And Jack won his ticket in the first ten minutes of the movie, so his name would have not been on a record anywhere, which the movie pointed out in the first five minutes. And it’s a movie.”

Customer: “Next you’re going to tell me the Heart Of The Ocean is fake too!”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Customer: “Then what did I spend £20 on? What a waste of money!”