They Don’t Fear The Gays, They Fear Being Treated How They Treat Women

CONTENT WARNING: Homophobia/Slurs, Harassment

A few months ago, one of my friends invited me to his small birthday party with four other friends. It was planned that we would go eat in a restaurant and go to a bar after that. [Friend] is gay, and the other guests were also gay, bisexual, or pansexual men. I was the only woman (who is also straight) there. I didn’t really mind this; his friends were all nice and cool people, and it was his birthday, so he could invite whoever he wanted to.

After the delicious dinner we had, we headed to a gay bar. I have never been to one before, but I was curious to see how much it differed from “regular” bars. It was pretty nice, to be honest. The vibe was really great, and everyone really enjoyed their time there. Many men gave me compliments on how nice my hair or dress was, which made me feel kind of awkward but also happy since I wasn’t a person who received compliments a ton. [Friend] seemed to have a blast, which made me really happy, too.

After some time and some drinks, the men wanted to go dancing, and [Friend] asked me to join them. I refused since I was starting to get tired and needed a little pause. He understood but gave me his phone and asked me to take some pictures and videos of them on the dance floor.

A few minutes later, a group of three men entered the bar, headed straight to the bar, and started hitting on some women. I didn’t think much of it at first. I’ve heard about straight men going to gay bars to pick up the women there, but I didn’t really expect to witness it that evening. When the men were rejected, they were mad, but they let the women be and ordered drinks.

I ignored them for a while and filmed and photographed my friends. Then, the men seemed to notice me and started speaking to me.

I was pretty intimidated by this since it wasn’t only one, but three men almost cornering me on my bar stool, and I like to have personal space. They asked me normal things at first — what I do for a living, where I’m from, etc. I answered some of the questions, but I eventually told them that I wasn’t interested and wanted to be left alone again, as respectfully as I could.

They didn’t seem happy with this.

Man #1: “Are you a [derogatory word for lesbians] like the rest of the women here?”

I didn’t know this was a slur until [Friend] explained it to me a bit later.

I was startled at that question and just said, “Yeah,” in hopes of them just going away.

At that point, the barkeeper noticed what was happening.

Barkeeper: *To the men* “Just leave and stop harassing women who aren’t interested in you.”

They ignored him.

Man #2: “You can’t be sure.”

Man #3: “Yeah, have you even tried it with a guy?”

And so on. I was really uncomfortable now, not only because they kept insisting on talking to me, but also because I had more empathy toward people who have to hear things like this on a daily basis — [Friend] and his friends included.

The barkeeper told them to leave again, and one of them dropped the F-slur on him. The barkeeper started to say something, but then [Friend] and his friends showed up, all of them acting flirty and pushy toward the men who had been harassing me and the other women here.

They said similar things to them as they did to me.

Friend: “Are you sure you aren’t into guys?”

Friend #2: “You will never know if you’ve never tried it.”

Friend #3: “Oh, I’ll bet I could change your mind!”

The men felt really uncomfortable and told my friends to leave them alone, which resulted in the complete opposite.

The men eventually snapped and cursed at my friends, calling them all the F-slur and other rude names. At that point, my confidence and courage were really high, since I wasn’t alone anymore.

Me: *To the men* “This is a gay bar. If you don’t want to take it in the a**, leave already.”

The men looked at me, my friends, and the barkeeper in disgust, turned around, and left.

I sighed in relief, and the boys instantly checked on me, asking if I was okay and what exactly happened. After a quick summary, we each got a drink for half the price thanks to the really nice barkeeper, and we left.

To see people get the exact treatment they were giving others really made my day. I hope it was a lesson for them.

I was really lucky that my friends were there, and that the barkeeper didn’t ignore the problem and intervened, as well. I understand the problems and struggles that [Friend], his friends, and everyone else in that community go through a bit better after the treatment I received, and even though I’m sure those men won’t stop harassing women, I’m happy that they got a taste of their own medicine.