They Don’t Do Things By Halves

, , , , | Right | August 7, 2020

I’m a barista and shop assistant in a French chocolaterie. Pretty much everything in the shop is chocolate.

Customer: “I’d like to buy half a brownie, please.”

Me: “Half a brownie? You mean, paying half the price?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you. So that’ll be [amount]?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we don’t sell them by halves.”

Customer: “But I only want half! Why should I pay for half a brownie I don’t want?”

Me: “Well, we won’t be able to sell the other half, you see, so we’d be losing money. I can cut the brownie in half for you and put half in a separate bag for you to keep for later, but you’ll need to pay full price.”

Customer: *Aggressively* “Aren’t you listening? I only want half. Are you trying to make me fat?”

Me: “Er, no. Look, if you like, I can cut the brownie in half for you, and then you can throw the other half away! You don’t actually have to eat the other half. That is entirely up to you. But you’ll need to pay full price.”

Customer:I won’t be able to not eat it if I have it! I only want half! You should be ashamed of yourself. Don’t you know that it’s people like you that are causing the obesity crisis in this country?”

The customer purchases a whole brownie and storms off in a huff.

Me: “Enjoy!”

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