They Better Not Go Pop

(My boss has just gone on paternity leave, so my coworkers and I are signing a card.)

Me: “Congrats on creating life! Have fun with the little one!”

(I then draw some balloons in the corner. Just as I’m handing the card to the next coworker, I notice something and snatch it back.)

Coworker: “What’s wrong?”

Me: *frantically adding smiley faces and hearts to the balloons* “Protip: don’t draw balloons on baby cards. They look way too much like sperm.”