They Are Calorie Counting On Each Other

(I am a customer. There’s a woman in line ahead of me, already at the register and ordering for herself and three kids, and a guy behind me. Another customer comes in. He looks to be in a rush, muttering under his breath about people not ordering until they know what they want. The young woman working the register has a slight but obvious German accent, but not thick enough to present any difficulty communicating at all. I get to the counter.)

Me: “Hi! I’d like a regular meal, but can I substitute the drink with a shake?”

(The cashier repeats it back to me, as one would logically do to make sure. The impatient customer barks at her.)

Impatient Customer: “If you spoke English right, you’d know that’s what he said the first time!”

Me: “I’ll bet her English is a h*** of a lot better than your German, dude.”

Impatient Customer: “I don’t have to know that s***, because we’re in America!”

Me: “And I can take my time giving her my order… because we’re in America.”

(I turn to the cashier.)

Me: “Do you still have any of the strawberry pies tonight?”

Cashier: “Yes, sir. Would you like one?”

Me: “I don’t know. Is the calorie amount listed for them on the menu right?”

(The cashier smiles as she catches on.)

Cashier: “I believe so, sir. If you’ll wait just a moment, I’ll bring the official list from the office to make sure.”

(As she starts to turn toward the office, a second cashier comes from the back and tells her that she’ll go get it for her. The impatient customer has had enough. He starts moaning to the customer in line behind me.)

Impatient Customer: “This is bull-s***!”

Customer Behind Me: “Those pies sound good. I want to know more about them.”

(The impatient customer turns to the cashier.)

Impatient Customer: “Get your manager!”

(The second cashier is just putting a key in the office door. She turns toward the impatient customer and smiles.)

Second Cashier: “I’m the manager, sir. I’ll be happy to help you as soon as I get the nutritional information for the gentleman who is being served right now. You’ll be served when your turn comes, or I can ring you up myself as soon as I get the list. I’m not sure where it is in there, though, so I may be a while.”

(The impatient customer is now red-faced, and turns to each of us as he enunciates each word, looking at me first.)

Impatient Customer: “F***. ALL. OF. YOU! I’m going to [other fast food chain]!”

(He storms out and we all start laughing. I look at my watch.)

Me: “[Other fast food chain] closed three minutes ago.”