These Trainers Are Training You Well

I normally work on my birthday and I don’t particularly hold much for “big” birthdays, so that mentality — plus the fact we’re in a health crisis and I don’t live anywhere near any of my close friends — means I was just going to work my thirtieth birthday in my new job. After having the holiday calendar shared with me, I decide to check what it’s like on that week as I am wondering about taking some time off — more for myself — but see that’s marked as “no more holiday.” Ah, well, I was planning on working it anyway, so I decide I’ll have a week elsewhere.

My trainers are talking about holidays and their thirtieths and it turns out they’re pretty much at the same time; [Trainer #1]’s is a week before mine and [Trainer #2]’s is a week after. They have booked theirs off, though. I share when mine is and we share some jokes. Trainer 2 is going through something on her computer when her face goes serious.

Trainer #2: *Stern, serious voice* “[My Name].”

Me: *Concerned* “Teah?”

Trainer #2: “Why the everlasting f*** are you working your thirtieth?”

Trainer #1: “What?!“

Trainer #2: “This is just… Why? No. Why didn’t you say in the interview you had it prebooked off?”

Me: “Oh, I’ve worked my birthday since I was fifteen. I was in retail before, so…”

Trainer #1: “Nooo, you can’t. It’s the day after the bank holiday! You have to have it off!”

Trainer #2: “Yeah, it’s an awful day to work. Always try to get off any days just after a bank holiday.”

Me: *Laugh* “I’ll keep that in mind. But there’s a ‘no more holiday’ stamp on that date, so I’ll be working it this time”

Trainer #2: “No. No, you won’t.” *Types furiously* “You are not permitted to be in!”

And that’s how I got my first birthday off in fifteen years.