These Home Improvement Employees Need Brain Improvement

I’m walking around a large local home improvement store in search of a spirit level to help me lay some paving slabs. There are several aisles with small tools, but it isn’t clear from the store layout where I might find what I’m looking for. The store can’t seem to make up its mind where any particular tool might be found. Is it with the screws and fixings? The doorknobs and light switches? The paintbrushes and wallpaper? There seems to be no logic to the layout.

After a few minutes, I see someone in a store uniform.

Me: “Hi. Do you know where I’d find a spirit level?”

Employee #1: “Oh, we have those. They’re in the tool section.”

He gestures wildly at pretty much the entire shop.

Me: “Can you give me a rough idea? I can’t see a specific section for small tools.”

Employee #1: “Oh, we definitely have those. They’re around here somewhere.” 

He gestures expansively again, although with slightly less enthusiasm.

Me: “Right, thanks.”

I go in search of someone else and notice a guy helping a couple with some paint. He seems to know what he’s talking about, so I pretend to be idly browsing paint samples on the end cap until he’s finished, and then I approach him.

Me: “Hi. I wonder if you can help me. I’m looking for a spirit level, but I can’t seem to find the right section.”

Employee #2: “A what, sorry?”

Me: “A spirit level. You know, for making sure you’ve got things straight? Horizontally? I’m laying some paving slabs.”

Employee #2: “Oh, I don’t think we have rulers.”

Me: “Not a ruler. It has markings on it like a ruler, but it has a bubble in it? You know, like this?” 

I try to demonstrate what a spirit level would look like. 

Me: “You’d lay it on something you were trying to get even and the position of the bubble would tell you if it was horizontally true or not?”

Employee #2: “Oh, we probably have those. They’d be in our tool section.” *Gestures wildly*

Me: “Right, thank you.”

I decide I’ll have one more go. Two aisles over, I find an employee labelling drills. 

Me: “Hi. I’m looking for a spirit level. Any idea where I might find one?”

Employee #3: “Sorry, a what? What are you looking for?”

Me: “A spirit level? I’m laying some paving slabs.”

Employee #3: “You’re doing a patio?”

Me: “Not a patio, just some slabs I’m trying to get even.”

Employee #3: “Right, you want one of our patio experts.” *Hollers loudly* “Greg!”

Greg appears from the next aisle and turns out to be the first guy I spoke to.

Employee #3: “This lady wants some help laying her patio.”

Me: *Cheerily* “Don’t worry about it. Thanks for your help!”

As I was leaving, I noticed a spirit level on a small end cap of sale items and bought it. The slabs turned out handsome.