These Dumplings Ain’t For Darlings, Darlin’

(I’m eating with my brother at a restaurant. We have two dumplings left, and we want to take home one each.)

Brother: “Can we get two containers and two bags, please?”

Waitress: “Yeah, sure.”

(The waitress takes the dumplings, but she comes back with both dumplings in the same container.)

Me: “Actually, can we get another container and bag, please?”

Waitress: “How wasteful are you! Why do you need to separate the dumplings? One container has room for five or six dumplings.”

Me: “Because one is for him and one is for me. We don’t live together.”

Waitress: “Well, why not?”

Me: “I still live with our parents, and he moved out when he married.”

Waitress: “And you’re dating a married man? That’s pretty shameful.”

Me: “I’m not dating him; he’s my brother.”

Waitress: “Well, I saw you two hugging, and he kissed you on the forehead.”

Brother: *to me* “Let’s just go. Not worth it. Since my home is on the way you can come by. I’ll put my dumpling in a bowl and you can take the other home.”

Waitress: *stares at us until we leave*