These Dreams Just Don’t Add Up

(My husband is absolutely not a morning person, rarely wakes to his alarms, and often talks quite clearly in his sleep. This conversation occurs when I try to wake him, after several other attempts, around 5:30 am. I have about an hour drive to work and we share one car, which he needs to use during my shift this day. Also — he absolutely hates math.)

Me: “[Husband], it’s time to get up. I’ve got to leave for work soon.”

Husband: “Okay. I’m awake.”

Me: “If you’re actually awake, you need to get out of bed.”

Husband: “I’m awake. Just a minute. We need to do math.”

Me: “…Math?”

Husband: “Yeah….”

(I leave him for a bit to make some coffee, then return to him snoring and try again.)

Me: “[Husband], are you going to wake up or just stay in bed doing math?”

Husband: *snapping awake* “Why the f*** would I do math?”