These Adult Toys Are Extra Dirty

(I work in an adult novelty store that sells toys. A lady walks in and comes up to the counter and pulls out a very expensive item.)

Customer: “I bought this here and I need to return it and get my money back.”

Me: “All novelty sales are final, due to the intimate nature of the products. That’s the law in this state.”

Customer: “But it’s still in the package!”

Me: “Yeah, but these kinds of products come in easily opened packages, they’re not actually sealed.”

(I take a closer look at the package, and it’s not even an item we carry. I’ve been with the company for almost ten years, and I’m the one that orders all of our stock. The item retails for almost $130, and would never sell in our market.)

Me: “Besides, ma’am, we don’t carry that product. I’m 100% certain of that. So that didn’t come from here.”

Customer: “It was worth trying. So, how much is this worth? I found it outside of someone’s house on the curb. Think I could sell it on eBay?”

Me: *at a complete loss for words as this is beyond disgusting* “I don’t know, but the retail on it is $130.”

Customer: “Thanks for your help!”