There’s Nothing “Regular” About Any Of This

I work in a hotel. We had a guest staying with a woman that he said was his wife (it wasn’t) in a room for a few days. We never saw this lady, and the man said she was ill and kept extending his stay each day to give her more time to recover. At one point, the man came into the lobby.

Guest: “I need to have the sheets changed in my room. My wife soiled herself in the bed by accident.”

The head housekeeper went to the room with fresh sheets. What he found there was disturbing. Yes, the bed was covered in feces, but there were empty plastic vodka bottles strewn about the room, and the place smelled heavily of cigarette smoke, which is not allowed in the hotel. The woman remained in the washroom the entire time the housekeeper was there.

When the housekeeper told us about this situation, I made the decision not to allow them to extend another night if asked. I had already agreed to let him stay that night. The guest came into the lobby later that day.

Guest: “Can I extend my day one more night?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re sold out. You’ll have to check out tomorrow morning at 11:00 am.”

Guest: “I understand.”

The next morning, the man left abruptly at about 9:00 am — without his “wife”. I sent the cleaner up to the room to see what was going on.

At the bottom of the stairs from the rooms, we have a courtyard. In the courtyard, there was a huge pile of the woman’s stuff: backpacks, shoes, garbage bags of clothes, etc. She was nowhere to be found and the room was empty. Assuming the man would be coming back for the clothes and stuff, I sent the housekeepers in to clean the room.

While they were cleaning the room, the woman arrived, walked into the room with a giant bottle of vodka, took off her pants, and laid down on the couch, refusing to leave. It was now past checkout time, so I was called to deal with the situation.

When I arrived, the woman was naked except for an open blouse, revealing a heavily tattooed, sixty-ish-year-old body that had seen some years of heavy drinking.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid I have to ask you to put on some clothes and leave the premises. You do not have a room booked here for tonight, and it is well past checkout.”

Woman: “I’m not going anywhere. I need a nap.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you refuse to leave, I will have to call the police.”

Woman: “You go ahead and call the police.”

She poured herself a drink of straight vodka and shot it back.

I went back to the office and called the police.

Me: “Officer, we have a woman that refuses to leave a room she is not booked into. She isn’t staying here tonight, but she won’t leave.”

Officer: “Is she naked?”

Me: “Ummm… yes. How did you know that?”

Officer: “Oh, she’s a regular. We’ll come get her.”

And that was that. They came and took her away, but the belongings were never retrieved by anyone.