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There’s No Away He Can Reverse Out Of This Situation

, , , , , | Friendly | December 27, 2021

I’m at a large retail store, driving through the parking lot looking for a space. I see an empty spot ahead and start to turn into it, only to be greeted by another car honking its horn, sitting in the space across from it. The guy inside is waving his hands furiously and gesturing at me, while the woman in the passenger seat attempts to cover her face.

I finish parking, get out, and gesture to the other driver with upturned palms and a “What’s wrong?” expression. I’m actually concerned the guy might be in some sort of trouble or need help, but I’m not expecting what happens.

He shuts his car off and thrusts his door open, actually hitting the SUV beside him, and screams before even getting out of the car:

Other Driver: “You a**hole! You did that on purpose!”

During this tirade, his (presumably) girlfriend also exits the vehicle and now has the look of someone who wishes they could physically become invisible.

I listen to his rant about my deliberate and personal attack against him which I perpetrated by parking my car and preventing him from pulling through spaces, to wit, he would now have to reverse out of his parking space… which is just an unforgivable inconvenience.

I let him get the whole rant out, nearly a full two minutes of it. He makes a h*** of a scene, and by the end of it… I am laughing. Not on the inside — I am laughing in his face. He doesn’t like being laughed at, apparently, and steps back, shutting his door so he can approach me. He has his hands up at shoulder height at this point, looking like he might take a swing at me.

Me: “Let me get this straight. You got out here yelling at me because you don’t know how to drive a car and that’s somehow my fault. Is that right?”

Now that he was closer, I could smell alcohol on his breath. He stomped away like a little kid pitching a fit, went back to his car — which the girl was no longer in, but instead standing beside with her door closed — got in, and slammed the door. He motioned to the girl to get in as he started the engine, but she shook her head no.

He put it in reverse and slammed backward out of the parking space… and into the big 4×4 pickup behind him to his right. The tow hitch obliterated his back bumper and didn’t let it go. He was in a full rage again at this point and droves away, leaving behind the accident, his (presumably) girlfriend, and, to the credit of universal karma, his bumper with the license plate.

This entire exchange lasted a bit less than five minutes, but it’s five minutes I’ll treasure.

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