There Was A Time When Men Were Kind

I have worked at a movie theatre for the last few years. In that time, there have been fairly obscurely-named releases, but nothing that I would say was TOO difficult. We have a large LED screen on the wall behind our ticket box, displaying the movies playing and corresponding session times. Due to the large number of movies playing at this time, occasionally there are two “pages” of sessions, meaning that the sign will change every thirty seconds.

Me: “Hi! How are you?”

Customer: “I’m great, thanks. I’d like to see the movie above your head.”

I turn to look at the screen.

Me: “I’m sorry, there are more than a handful listed. Which one were you referring to?”

Customer: “Oh, for f***’s sake; it just changed. Can’t you just do your job and sell me the d*** ticket?”

Me: “Well, no. I apologise but I’m not a psychic. You have to tell me the name of the movie you wish to see. I’m more than happy to give you a quick description of the films we currently have playing so you can figure out which one it—”

Customer: “NO! I demand to see your manager.”

Me: “Actually, I’m the one in charge right now, and honestly, I don’t see the need for a manager to intervene. All I need to do is sell you your ticket and direct you to one of our theatres.”

Customer: “It’s one of those movies about the miserable lesbians.”

Me: *Stifling laughter* “I’m sorry, we don’t have a movie about miserable lesbians.”

Customer: “You would know, wouldn’t you?”

Me: “Well, yes, I would. I’ve worked here for years and run the ticket box and the candy bar section, and if needed, I work on the floor, too. I don’t think that I would have missed a movie about miserable lesbians. Besides, if there was one, I would have taken my girlfriend to see it with me.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It’d probably be titled, The Life And Times Of [My Name]. Maybe starring Katherine Moennig or Jodie Foster.”

Customer: “You’re one of them?“

Me: “Look, I’m just trying to lighten the mood. Now, which movie was it you were after?”

Customer: “THE F****** MISERABLE LESBIANS ONE!”

Me: “Wait. Do you mean Les Misérables?”

Customer: “That’s not how you say it! You’re wrong.”

Me: “I assure you, it is. It’s French. It’s based on a French novel written in the 1800s, and the film adaptation still uses the same name.”

Customer: “I know what it’s called. Some of us are more culturally involved than others.”

Me: “Sure. Well, let me just process your ticket and—”

Customer: *while storming out* “No. I don’t want to see some French homosexual s***.”

Me: “Okay. Have a nice day!”

On that note, I think they should make a movie about miserable lesbians. I would happily play the main character.