There Is No Magic Button To Make Bad Customers Go Away

I get a call from a customer having a software issue. It’s a known issue, and in all honesty, it’s solved by simply logging out and logging back in again. I advise them to try this, but even that seems to be too much effort for them.

Caller: “Can you push the big button or something?”

Me: “Excuse me, but what button?”

Caller: “The button you press to make the problems go away!”

Me: “I don’t have a button that can do that, sir, but I can help you solve the issue. First, you’ll need to log out and then log back in again so we can make sure it’s not a more complicated issue.”

Caller: “Are you sure you can’t just push the button?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Caller: “Hmph. Fine, let’s try it that way first.”

I hear the computer going through the log out sounds, and then he logs back in again.

Caller: “Oh, wow! It’s working again!”

Me: “Yes, sir! I suspected that would solve it.”

Caller: “You pressed the button, didn’t you?”

Me: “No, sir. It was simply a case of—”

Caller: “Why are you lying about the button?! Put me through to your supervisor! I want to tell them that you’re keeping the button all to yourself!”

Seriously, I can’t win…