There Is No Analog For This Conversation

(I work for a large cable company that has recently switched a few stations from analog to digital format, freeing up space for more channels and internet bandwidth. I work at one of the retail stores where customers can pick up adapters to get the channels back.)

Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: “Where the f*** did Lifetime go?”

Me: “Oh! You must be talking about our digital switch over. Basically, we’ve switched these channels over and we’re giving out these adapters to get them instead, and they’re free until 2015.”

Customer: “Why would you do this anyway? You people are always doing this; you’re always trying to screw the customer!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, this is to allow for more channels, faster internet speeds, and future technologies as we get them, so it’s really for your benefit.”

Customer: “The internet is for the devil!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “The internet is for the devil! I won’t use it!”

Me: “Well… I know that a lot of other people use the internet for business and school and for other good purposes, but I can understand where you’re coming from. Would you like to pick up your adapter today?”

Customer: “No, I think I’m just going to get dish. You charge too much anyway. How does that dish work?”

(I play it cool, and explain how it works and the differences between the services as unbiased as I can be.)

Customer: “Ok, I’ll have to think about it all. I’m not sure what I want to do. Everyone’s screwing me over. I’m going to be dead soon, did you know that I was dying? Yep, I won’t be here next year. Then when I was pulling in here that a**hole cut me off. Can you believe the nerve? He almost killed me? I f***ing flipped him off. I wish he’d tried following me. I’d have shown him something if he started following me. Just like those d*** kids going 80 miles an hour down my road!”

(This continues for another 10 minutes without pause. However, at the end of everything she got everything off her chest and I actually got a smile out of her at the end! I claim victory.)