There Are Giants In The Sky (And Next Door)

After work, my old boss was having a beer or two with two coworkers. We were in an office building, and our office shared the floor with four other, much smaller companies.

My boss was 6’4” or so and about 300 pounds. I believe he was a linebacker in college, but if he wasn’t, he sure looked it. He had a huge mustache and always wore sports jerseys. I’d seen him lift an entire arcade cabinet and carry it down steps, by himself, and load it into a truck.

They all worked in IT, but by chance, the other two were 6’2” and 6’5”, and one was an avid rugby and baseball player. Obviously, IT workers can be any size and shape, but it’s worth noting that the entire department looked like they were about to win the Super Bowl.

They were laughing and joking about something funny that happened, and one guy admittedly had a loud laugh. Suddenly, the door slammed open and someone ran screaming, arms waving.

We were in a nice neighborhood, but still about ten minutes out of Baltimore, which is… not the nicest place. My coworkers thought they were being robbed or something. One grabbed a baseball bat, and one grabbed the pry bar they used on bigger cases of equipment.

The yelling stopped and became a squeak. It was from the lawyer next door, 5’2” at most, 120 pounds soaking wet, borderline elderly.

This is one of the few times in life someone’s face actually went pale. What started as, “WILL YOU GUYS SHUT UP?! I AM IN A CORPORATE CALL, AND I AM VERY IMPOR—” finished as, “If you all… could be… a bit quieter. Please. I am on an important call and share a wall with you nice gentlemen, and I really need this case I… Th-thank you. Please have a wonderful night.”

My boss said they had to step outside the building to be polite before they started howling with laughter at this very small man who attacked three of the largest men you will see in your life, all holding baseball bats and crowbars. He said, “I honestly thought someone was breaking in to steal our equipment and I was about to have to fight for my life. I waved that crowbar like I was a knight in the Middle Ages before I actually got a look at the guy. I think he peed his pants a little…”