Their Own Definition Of (Resident) Evil

(I am playing an at-the-time popular horror video game at a friend’s house when some friends of his sister decide to intrude and watch me for some reason. They’ve just seen me kill a monster.)

Girl #1: “This game is disgusting!”

Girl #2: “Did you just beat a dog to death?”

Me: “Kind of. It’s a monster.”

Girl #1: “Don’t you feel bad for hurting cute animals? You should leave them alone!”

(I stare blankly at her for a moment as the ‘cute animal’ in question is a deformed, zombie-like monster vaguely resembling a dog that was moments ago sucking blood out of a corpse.)

Me: “No, not really. They’re not even real dogs. It’s just a game. And it tried to kill me.”

Girl #2: “That’s no excuse for animal abuse!”

Me: “So you mean to tell me if that thing walked up to you at all you wouldn’t try to kill it?”

Girl #1: “Of course not! It might be friendly!”

Me: “Well, at least I know not to take you with me in a zombie apocalypse…”

(I later found out from my friend’s sister that she overheard them debating whether to call the cops and report me for animal abuse. The kicker here is that I’m a well-known animal lover that can’t even bring myself to kill cockroaches.)