Their Jobs Are As Stuffed As Their Crusts

(Business has been slow lately due to the opening of another, candidly better pizza place across the highway, and I’ve got a pretty good idea that we’ll be going out of business soon. I go to talk to my boss about it.)

Me: “Hey [Boss], you know I see all the receipts when I close, so I’ve got a pretty good idea where we stand.”

Boss: “Yeah, it’s not been good lately. But we’ll pull through!”

Me: “Okay, but if we ever did have to close down, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know in advance. I won’t leave you in the lurch, and I promise to stick around to help you close out, but I’d like to at least have the warning so I can figure out my next move.”

Boss: “Sure thing. I’ll give you at least a couple of weeks warning.”

Me: “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

(Literally two weeks later, I get a call from a buddy at the comic book store next door.)

Friend: “Hey, what’s with the moving van in front of the pizza place?”

Me: “What? I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.”

(I call the store. My boss answers.)

Me: “Hey [Boss], what’s with the moving truck in front of the place?”

Boss: “Oh, ah, well, after seeing the receipts for last night I knew we couldn’t keep going, so…”

Me: “So you managed to somehow decide to close down, go get a moving truck, and start taking everything out of the store all in the same day?”

Boss: “Um, yeah.”

(Irritated, I call up the other employees and we go down to make sure we get our final paychecks. The boss pays us in cash, and we part ways. A few days later, I get another call from my friend at the comic book store.)

Friend: “Hey, you should come down here. We’ve got a bunch of cops here looking for [Boss]!”

Me: “What?! Why?”

Friend: “Well, apparently when he moved out, he took the pizza oven and a bunch of other stuff with him, and they were on lease from [Pizza Chain’s] home office!”

(The pizza oven in question? It weighed over a thousand pounds and I was certain that it had no wheels. I have no idea how in the world he managed to get it out of there or who the heck would buy it!)