Their Complaints Are Volumetric

(I manage a local coffee shop. Recently my boss bought a second location, and I have been managing the transition. We hired a bunch of new staff members. None of us know the regulars.)

Employee: “[My Name], can you help me with this customer? I can’t seem to get her double-cream coffee right.”

Me: “Oh, boy.” *I go up front and greet the customer* “Hey, how are you?”

Customer: *flapping her arms, fists clenched* “This is outrageous!”

Me: “What is?”

Customer: “The music! It’s too loud!”

(Here I’m thinking it’s a problem with her coffee. I turned on the music in the morning and, considering that we have 90% elderly customers in the morning hours, I left the music on a decent volume with a genre catered for their age group. I can barely hear it.)

Customer: “You are going to drive your customers away. You don’t even hire your staff properly; she can’t get my coffee straight.”

Me: “I personally put the music on the morning and did my walk around to ensure the volume was fine. As for my staff, it’s [Employee]’s second day on the job.”

Customer: “I’m going to make sure I write to the home office, and tomorrow I’ll bring my son in to talk to you.”

Me: “Sure, that’s fine; I’d love to meet him.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t say that’s fine! That’s not a manager thing to say!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m trying to help you.”

Customer: “Have you put the volume down yet?!”

Me: “No, I’m still here talking to you!”

(She left, stating she’d never be back, but she is still in, making my life Hell, every morning.)