Their Brains Were Half-Off

, , , , , | Right | March 25, 2020

(I decide to close my storefront and concentrate on other things. I put a big sign in the window that reads, “Grand Closing Sale!” Suddenly, I am getting lots of walk-in traffic, 90% idiots.)

Idiot #1: “So, everything’s half off?”

Me: “No, I’ve marked a lot of things down, but I can’t reduce the prices on the original artwork.”

Idiot #1: *pointing at original painting* “So, I can get this for half off?”

Me: “No. That’s not even marked down.”

Idiot #1: “Your sign says everything’s half off.”

Me: “No. It doesn’t.”

Idiot #1: “It does so; I just saw it.”

Me: *patient voice* “Step back out and read it again.”

Idiot #1: *rereads the sign* “Huh. I thought it did. So, how much will you sell me that for?”

Me: “$1,500.”

Idiot #1: “Why is that print so expensive?”

Me: “Because it’s not a print; it’s the original.”

Idiot #1: *tilts head thoughtfully, as though appraising the painting* “So… how much is it without the frame?”

Me: *having expected this* “$1,600. There’s a hundred dollar un-framing fee.”

Idiot #1: “Oh.” *wanders around for a while, then leaves*

(Later:)

Idiot #2: “Fifty percent off everything, eh?”

Me: “No. Just good prices on the prints and gifts.”

Idiot #2: “Not fifty percent off, like your sign says?”

(Later:)

Idiot #3: *looks around for a while and picks out some items* “I just love a half-off sale!”

Me: “Not everything’s half off.”

Idiot #3: “But your sign said…”

(And on, and on… for the entire month I was closing things out.)

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