The X-Files/Munsters Crossover

I’m a pizza delivery driver on my way to a marina where the customer lives on their boat along with several others that are all docked there. My instructions state that I have to call the customer when I get there to be directed to their particular boat. It’s about 8:30 and night has fully set.

I am on the phone with the customer.

Me: “Hello, sir. I’ve arrived at the marina and am calling to find out which boat you’re at. I’m currently in front of the bar at the end of the dock.”

Customer: “All right, you’ll have to cross the railroad bridge to get to us.”

Me: “A… railroad bridge?”

Obviously, continuing down the dock wouldn’t lead to any kind of “railroad” bridge, so I ask the customer if he can direct me from the bar. At this time, a man exits the bar to smoke a cigarette.

Smoking Man: “Oh, hey, pizza. Who’s it for?”

Since people on the docks tend to all know each other, I show him the name on the ticket while speaking with the customer.

Customer: “Just go to the railroad bridge and cross it and I’ll be just past it.”

Me: “Sir, it’s dark out. I don’t see any kind of railroad bridge. Could you please tell me what direction I need to go from this bar on the edge of the dock?”

Smoking Man: “Railroad bridge? Sure you’re in the right place?”

The customer insists that there’s a bridge once more and hears the man next to me over the phone.

Customer: “Hey, is there someone else there?”

Me: “Yes, he seems to be just as confused as I am about where this bridge is supposed to be.”

Customer: “Hey. Ask him if he’s ‘Herman Munster.’”

About a minute passes of me trying to get the customer to get back on track so I can get his food to him, but he insists I ask the man next to me if he’s “Herman Munster,” a name I know belongs to an old TV show character.

Me: *Giving up* “They want me to ask if you’re Herman Munster.”

At this point, the Smoking Man and the customer laugh, and the customer hangs up. Figuring I’ve been conned into a prank order, I begin to leave.

Smoking Man: “So, do you know where to go now?”

Me: “No. They hung up on me just now, so it’s likely this was a prank. Just gotta take these pizzas back.”

Smoking Man: “Hang on a second. I’m sure some of the guys inside would want some pizza.”

He goes inside, and a woman is sent out to keep me company while he searches for money. I keep a look out for anyone that may be coming or signaling to me to bring them their pizzas. About five minutes pass and the man returns with $40 to pay the $27 bill and tells me to keep the change. After I’ve left and gone down the road, my phone rings and I answer.

Customer: “Hey, where are you at with our pizza?”

Me: *In disbelief* “Sir, I left. You laughed at my expense and hung up on me. I thought you were pulling a prank on me. And even if I turned around now, I found someone that wanted to buy those pizzas from me.”

Customer: *Angrily* “YOU SOLD OUR PIZZAS?! Why would you think we were pranking you?”

Me: “Sir, your directions made no sense, you insisted I ask a stranger if he was ‘Herman Munster,’ and you laughed at me and hung up. What part of that sounds like it would be a legitimate order?”

Customer: “My wife and I are very hungry. We want our food!”

Me: “Sir, if you’d like, you can call the store and replace the order and they’ll have no problem rushing it back out to you.”

The customer hangs up before I can finish. When I return to work, my manager wants to hear my side, apparently believing that I sold the pizzas to someone else IN FRONT OF THE CUSTOMER.

Me: “One, if they had seen me, they could have claimed their pizza. Two, they goofed off on the phone with me, laughed at me, and hung up on me. To me, that says they were screwing with me.”

My shift manager called the owner and explained to him what she was told by both the customer and myself. In the end, it turns out that our boss agreed with my decision, and since the customer was still getting their order remade at full price, there was really no harm done. There’s now a memo in the works outlining the protocol for such situations. I walked away with a $13 tip and was given a pat on the back for saving the store money, another driver made the delivery, and hopefully, the customer learned a valuable lesson in phone etiquette when speaking to a person that’s trying to give them something.