The Wurst Moments in Bartending

, , , , , , | Right | September 5, 2019

(I’m a young lady working as a bartender at a pub in the countryside, working a closing shift. A group of five young men walks in.)

Me: “Hello! What can I get for you this evening?”

Customer #1: “Hey, love, three pints of [drink] and a glass of ice, please! Put it on a tab and we’ll split the bill before we leave.”

(About four hours pass and these guys have had a few; they’re starting to stumble and they become noticeably intoxicated so I allow one last order. It’s getting late.)

Customer #2: “Another round, please! One pint of [drink] and six shots of your finest spirit!”

Me: “Sir, our finest and most expensive drink is valued at £24.60 a shot. Are you sure you want to order six? This will have to be the last order.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, yeah! Just shut up and give us the drinks!”

(I’m a little taken aback by the attitude but don’t take it personally. Before I pour the drinks, I inform the other customers about the price of their next drinks. They’re okay with it so I proceed. About fifteen minutes go by and I am starting to clean up, as it’s getting to midnight and we are closing.)

Customer #3: “Can we get the bill split, please? We didn’t realise the time!”

Me: “Of course! That is [amount] each, please.”

Customer #1: “F***! Did we really spend that much?!”

Me: “Yes, indeed, you did..”

(Four out of five customers pay; the fifth stays a little further back fumbling around in a small bag he is carrying. I ask him to come forward and confirm his total. He’s slurring his words but I can hear him.)

Customer #2: “Uh… sorry. I don’t seem to have my card on me and I don’t have any cash… Can I come back tomorrow and pay first thing?”

Me: “I’ll have to give my manager a call, as we don’t usually all—”

(I get cut off.)

Customer #2: “WAIT, NO! I have this!”

(The customer pulls out a few pepperoni sausage sticks and some half-eaten children’s crackers, and places them on the counter in front of me.)

Me: “…”

Customer #2: “Can you accept these, instead?!”

(I start to giggle, thinking it was a joke.)

Me: “I can’t tell if you’re having a laugh or not. I can’t accept that, as I’m sure you’re aware.”

Customer #2: “Well, that’s all I got. It’s that or nothing tonight, toots.”

Me: “Just a moment. I’ll give my manager a call and see what I can do.”

(My manager insists he pays now; the sum he has to pay isn’t as much as the others as it is the last transaction of the night. By this time, his friends have left to go home)

Me: “Sorry, sir, I am unable to wait until tomorrow as we cannot guarantee your return.”

Customer #2: “F*** you both! I’m not coming here anymore!” 

(He picks up his phone and calls his girlfriend who is outside waiting and quickly explains the situation. She comes in a few moments later. Bear in mind that it’s now way past closing time.)

Woman: “I’m so so sorry! Here is your money! Surprisingly enough, he’s done this before. I honestly don’t know why he carried around meat sticks and biscuits thinking he can bribe people with them… Thank you for being so patient!”

Me: “At least he can go home now. Thank you very much! Have a good night!”

(They headed towards the door. The young man was cursing his mouth off at his girlfriend and she just smiled and waved at me as they disappeared from sight.)

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