The Worst Kind Of Bean Counting
Australia, Coffee Shop, Editors' Choice, Health & Body, Impossible Demands, Stupid | Right
| September 28, 2026
Customer: “I want a skinny long black.”
Me: “A long black is just two espresso shots in water.”
Customer: “I know! I want that but skinny!”
Me: “Skinny implies making it low-fat or low-carb, but it’s just coffee and water. Zero fat, zero carbs, five calories or so from the coffee itself. It can’t be any skinnier.”
Customer: “So the five calories come from the coffee? Can’t you do calorie-free coffee?”
Me: “Not possible, ma’am.”
Customer: *Deep sigh.* “Well, if that’s the best you can do…”
This would have been bad enough, but after she had her first sip, she made a grimace and then went over to the counter and added about three sachets of sugar.
