The World Isn’t Bready For This Customer

, , , | Right | June 15, 2020

Customer: “I want to return this bread. It’s supposed to be fresh, but the expiration date listed was a week ago! It’s starting to grow mold!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Let me take a look.”

I see that the printed date did, in fact, pass over a week earlier, and that the bread does seem to have some mold growing.

Me: “Hmm, that shouldn’t happen. If you could show me your receipt, I’ll process a refund.”

The customer hands me a receipt that does have the bread — brand and all — on it, but I notice the receipt is over two months old.

Me: “Ma’am, this is over two months old.”

Customer: “But the bread is expired!”

Me: “Ma’am, this kind of bread is good for about a month. If you had eaten it as soon as you bought it, it wouldn’t have made it to the expiration date.”

Customer: “But I wanted to eat it yesterday, and it was moldy! It should wait for me to want to eat it!”

Me: “Unfortunately, leaving bread out in the open doesn’t do much for its preservation. Next time, you could try putting it in the freezer.”

Customer: “No! You should make it so the bread stays fresh forever!”

Me: “Ma’am, that isn’t biologically possible.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because I’m not God.”

Several minutes later, a manager came over to see what the fuss was about. Naturally, he refused the refund.


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