The Weird Adventures Of Brenda The Desperado

I see a lot of interesting people in my store. I’m a fairly new employee and this is only my second week working there. It’s about two in the morning and I’m just kind of messing around and taking sips off a nasty new Coke product. 

In comes the most intriguing man ever. From the top down, he has a cowboy hat, long hair and beard, white denim jacket, tie-dye shirt, white jeans, and expensive snakeskin cowboy boots. He’s perusing for a bit and I’m expecting something outrageous to happen. I notice he has a revolver on his hip, and I get a little scared. 

He grabs two bottles of wine and some jerky. He brings them to the register and points through an overhead cigarette rack to a pack of Lucky Strikes — a weird non-filter cigarette brand I know was popular during the Second World War. I ring him up and tell him his total. He rifles through a wallet full of Monopoly money and foreign currency but decides to use his card. Card approved.

I start bagging his stuff and he’s just eyeing me. It kind of feels like he’s examining me for some sort of reaction. I make eye contact a couple of times and feel very small. His eyes are piercing me. 

I give him his bags and receipts and he actually starts talking, drumming up a casual conversation about concentration camps.

Actual quotes.

Cowboy: “Do you subscribe to the idea of Holocaust denial?”

Me: “Uh…”

Cowboy: “Hitler was an evil man. But he wasn’t so clever as to fake his death camps.”

Me: “Definitely not clever.”

Cowboy: “Would you be able to do it?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Cowboy: “Fake a concentration camp for fake political fulfillment.”

Me: “I mean, no. I work at a convenience store.”

Cowboy: “Hitler was a painter and half a eunuch. You have your balls, right?”

Me: “Uh…”

The cowboy nods politely and begins to leave. 

Me: “What’s your name, sir?”

Cowboy: “Call me Brenda.”

This man comes in twice a week and hasn’t spoken a word since. I love my job.

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