The United Kingdom Of Great Gritain And Gorthern Gireland

(I am signing a customer up for a contract phone. I am taking his address.)

Me: “Postcode?”

Customer: *gives postcode*

Me: “Okay, which address?” *shows screen*

Customer: *points*

Me: “Okay, so now we’ll need to do a—“

Customer: “Hold on, that address is wrong. It should have ‘Gritain’ on the bottom.”

Me: “‘Gritain’? As in Great Britain?”

Customer: “No, ‘Gay Britain.’”

(I want to laugh, but his expression is very serious.)

Me: “Uh, it isn’t an option.”

Customer: “Then write it in ‘other’!”

Me: “Sorry, but could I please ask why?”

Customer: “Because if you don’t, you’ll assume I’m straight, and I’m not. That’s oppression.”

Me: “We don’t need to know, or even assume, your sexuality for the contract. It has nothing to do with it. We don’t even ask for sex or gender.”

Customer: “So you’ll assume I’m straight!”

Me: “We won’t assume anything!”

Customer: “Yes, you will. Now, CHANGE IT!”

(I manually changed his address to include “Gritain” and continued the rest of the purchase with awkward tension. He opted for paper billing, much to our grief, as every month he comes in to complain about “Gritain” being excluded from his address, and accusing us of discrimination, despite the fact we have nothing to with billing, and the change was made by them. He has no problem with the service, though, just the exclusion of that word on a bill he receives every month.)