The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 12

(I am at the local library, checking out Bram Stoker’s Dracula. A teenage girl barges up to the desk with the entire Twilight collection in her arms.)

Me: “Hey, I was checking—”

Girl: *completely ignoring me* “I would like to check these out!”

Librarian: “Please wait in line, miss.”

Girl: “Are you refusing me service?”

Librarian: “No, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Girl: “I really love these books! This is, like, the fifth time I’ve read them!”

Librarian: “Perhaps I could interest you in other vampire related materials?”

Girl: “Oh, my god! There’s more?”

(I’m really angry at this point and interject, since the girl is oblivious to the fact she cut in front of me.)

Me: “Yes, there are. However, no other book that has anything to do with vampires is as loaded with useless Mary Sues as that mountain of garbage you oh so adore.”

Girl: *completely clueless* “What do you mean? These books are great!”

Me: *points at cover of Dracula’* “This guy is a vampire.”

Girl: “No he’s not! He’s way too ugly!”

Me: “Yes, he is a vampire. Vampires, as they should be, are hideous predators that only seek to feed on humanity. The so called vegetarianism’ that is present in Twilight offers no sustenance to a vampire. Also, when they go out in the daylight, they burn, not take a bath in a vat of rhinestones.”

Librarian: “He does have a point there.”

Girl: “That’s disgusting! Who would want a vampire like that?”

(She storms out of the library with the Magnum Opus of snowflakes in her book bag.)