The True Cost Of The Apocalypse

, , , , , , | Learning | April 9, 2019

(I’m a substitute teacher. For some reason, students frequently ask me for money and/or to break larger bills for them. Today, I’m working in a middle school. It’s the last class of the day, and half the kids have left to go to a party for getting good grades. It’s already clear that no work is going to get done by the remaining students.)

Student #1: “Do you have a dollar?”

Me: *thinking: I don’t have any money with me right now, but I wouldn’t give any to a student even if I did* “No.”

Student #1: “You don’t have a dollar?”

Me: “No, I’m a substitute. Why would I have money?”

Student #2: “You’re an adult. Adults have money.”

Me: “Well, substitutes don’t.”

Student #1: “What if it was the apocalypse and you needed a dollar?”

Me: “If the apocalypse came, a dollar wouldn’t do anything for me.”

Student #2: “But what if you needed one?”

Me: “I mean, by that point, money wouldn’t mean anything anymore.”

Student #1: “What if you had to have a dollar or you’d die?”

Me: “Then I’d die!”

(The conversation ends there. When the kids who left for the party start to come back for dismissal at the end of the day, [Student #2] gets into a fight with one of them. Both of them are taken to the office, but I’m still pretty shaken by the time I get home. I tell my boyfriend about the fight as I unpack my lunchbox, having forgotten completely about the earlier conversation. Forgotten, that is, until I notice something in one of the lunchbox’s pockets.)

Me: “Oh, my God. I’m going to live!

Boyfriend: “Huh?”

Me: “Look! I have two dollars! I’m not going to die in the apocalypse!”

(One way or another, I felt a whole lot better after that!)

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