The Trip Between The Brain And The Mouth Is Short But You Can Still Get Lost

I have a coworker who has a completely different conversation in her head than what actually happens. As a result, they always walk away feeling like the conversation went exactly as she thought it would go. However, it really never does because she cannot be forward with people to save her life. Unfortunately, she then conveys the conversation to our boss based on her conversation with herself.

Two things to note: 1) I recently bought a house on the edge of town. 2) We have a new intern who lives in the middle of town, does not drive, and is Asian.

Coworker: “I don’t know exactly where you live. How long does it take you to get to work?”

This is a lie, by the way, because she went into my personnel file to snoop and told another coworker about it.

Me: “Oh, not much longer now that I can go around town rather than through it. Actually, it takes less time despite living seven miles further east.”

Coworker: “And how do you drive?”

Me: “I just take [Highway].”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “It is the highway for going to [Major Mountain]?”

Coworker: “Jesus. That doesn’t seem right. You don’t go down [Major Street on the west side]?”

Me: *Confused* “No?”

Coworker: “So, you don’t go down [Major Street]?”

Me: “No. I mean I pass it on [Highway] to get to work, but that is it.”

Coworker: *Annoyed* “Well, anyway, [New Intern] is going to be working with us. They are like [Coworker #2] and don’t drive.”

She tried to get me to drive [Coworker #2] to work but I refused unless they paid for my insurance in addition to company insurance, the difference in gas mileage, and travel time. They were also paying [Coworker #2] $3 extra dollars an hour for transportation so I didn’t feel really inclined to do it.

Me: “Well, that isn’t too bad. They live a whole lot closer than [Coworker #2].”

Coworker: “I would hate for [New Intern] to take the bus because of all the hate crimes. And I don’t want to have to pay for a [Ride Share Service] all the time.”

Me: “…”

Coworker: “I am just not sure what to do.”

Me: “I am sure you will figure it out!”

Of course, she took that conversation to mean that I would go fifteen minutes out of my way to drive this intern and told the boss this. I had to remind them that I did not feel comfortable carpooling as official company business without them paying for insurance, wear and tear on my car, and time going out of my way. Once more, they shut up about it, only after having egg on their face because they had to rescind the offer she shouldn’t have made in the first place.