The Thrill Of A Wedding Without The Frills Of A Wedding

(I am an ordained minister, and one of my biggest jobs is performing weddings. I am having dinner with a couple of friends, a guy and a girl, who have been dating each other for almost three years. He is telling us about his sister’s wedding.)

Guy: “It was horrible! The whole thing was this over-the-top affair. Harps, three flower girls, nine bridesmaids, two and a half hours for the ceremony, another two hours for photos. God, I just wanted the thing to end.”

Girl: “Wait. You don’t like big weddings?!”

Guy: “Umm… no. I know we’ve never talked about weddings before, and I hope this doesn’t upset you. But, no, I don’t. I hate weddings. I don’t understand why everyone has to get together, get all dressed up, and spend the entire day celebrating the fact that two people decided to spend their lives together and sign a piece of paper.”

Girl: “Oh my god!”

Guy: “I’m sorry. I hope you weren’t set on a huge wedding.”

Girl: “No! I don’t want a wedding at all! I just want to sign the paper, have it legally recognized, and then move on with my life! I hate weddings too!”

Guy: “You do?! That’s awesome! Yeah, we definitely have to get married now. Wanna?”

Girl: “H*** yes! I think it only takes a week or two to get the marriage license.”

Guy: “Awesome! Hey [My Name], want to officiate?”

Me: “I suppose so. Are we doing any sort of ceremony?”

Girl: “Not if I have anything to say about it. Just the two of us, with you, and maybe his sister and my brother as witnesses. Is that okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I can do that. Never had a request like that before.”

Guy: “Tell you what: we’ll even take you out for pizza afterwards.”

(They went to the court house the next day and applied for their marriage license. Sure enough, two weeks later, I signed the marriage license in their living room, with all of us in t-shirts and shorts. Then, the five of us present went out for pizza and rented movies to watch for the evening. They have now been married 15 years, and still brag to all of their friends that they had the best wedding ceremony, and it only lasted three minutes!)