The Stupid… It Burns!

(I work for a small-time electrician, doing a wide variety of small three- to five-day jobs. A few months back we were redoing most of the electrical work in a convenience store that had gotten hit by a car. They drove right through the front, leaving a huge gaping hole. When I get there, all the shelves and everything else are pushed into the far back corner of the store. The front is boarded up, and of course, the lights are out. The manager lets me in and hangs about while I do my work — likely for security reasons, so I don’t mind. The store is closed. The front door, remarkably intact, is locked. Someone tries the door. When it doesn’t give, there is a loud crunching noise. I’m at the top of a ladder, and the manager is just kind of hanging out. At the noise, both of us whip our heads around to see an idiot lady literally RIP A BOARD OFF THE FRONT OF THE STORE, come in, and go:)

Idiot #1: “Is the store open?”

(I’ve got wires all around me and I’m halfway into the drop ceiling, just staring at this lady with my mouth hanging open. The manager shoos [Idiot #1] out.)

Me: “What is… I don’t even…”

Manager: “Don’t think about it. The more you do, the more the stupid will burn, and the store can’t afford an insulation fire of that magnitude right now.”

(This was [Idiot #1]. [Idiots #2 – #5] come one by one, close enough together to have literally seen the manager usher the previous person out and re-lock the door behind them, only to have the next one simply move the now-loose board out of the way to get in, instead.)

Idiot #2: “Do you work here?”

(Yes, lady, the eighteen-year-old wiring a drop ceiling fixture is certainly also working the non-existent register…)

Idiot #3: “Hey, I just need one thing.”

(So do I: to be left alone.)

Idiot #4:  “You guys need to fix the door. I couldn’t get it open.”

(How do you breathe and walk at the same time?! By [Idiot #5], the manager finds the darn hammer that he’s been hunting for for the past half hour and hammers the board back into place. We’re leaving for the day, and the manager opens the door to let me out. A lady barges forward, trying to shove her way inside.)

Idiot #6: “It’s about time! You two really need to work on your customer service and… Hey, move!”

(I’m literally blocking the way inside.)

Me: “Lady, the store is closed.”

Manager: ‘We’re going to be closed for a while. You can’t buy anything.”

Idiot #6: *to manager* “I just need one thing.” *to me* “Go get me a [item].”

(I don’t work here. I don’t have to be nice.)

Me: “No. Get out.”

Idiot #6: “EXCUSE ME?!”

Me: “You’re excused. Get out. They’re closed.”

Idiot #6: “Where’s the manager?!”

Manager: “Right here. And I’ll tell you the same thing. Get out. We’re closed.”

Idiot #6: “HOW DARE—”

Me: “I’m gonna just call the cops.”

Manager: “Go right ahead.”

(The lady is sputtering as I reach for my phone. She freezes, stares around at the empty store and the moved shelves, gapes, and then silently turns and walks out. I follow her and the manager locks the door behind us. After the lady silently climbs into her car and drives away:)

Me: “You realize that after we leave, somebody’s going to come and rip the board off again and start yelling for service.”

Manager: “Doesn’t matter. We’ll both be home by then and it’s not going to be our problem. Besides, I’m so out of f***s to give right now.”

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