The Sound Of Chewing Silence

| USA | Working | July 15, 2017

(At a fair, my company is handing out free samples of our food product. We have to cook some sausage on a fryer and cut it up, then offer it to passersby. A young man in his 20s wearing an impeccable tuxedo approaches.)

Me: “Hello, would you like a free sample?”

Man: *grabs one* “…” *stuffs into mouth, and walks off*

(A little later, I sense someone behind me, so I turn.)

Me: “Hello, would you like—”

(It’s the same man again! Before I can recover, he grabs another one, stuffs it in his mouth, and walks off.)

Coworker: “Yeah, it’s okay if people want more. Just make some more. We have it.”

(So I make some more and a few hours later, the fair is winding down. Only a few passersby remain. And the same man approaches!)

Me: “Hell–”

(I stopped myself and he stared at me mischievously. Then, snake fast, he grabbed the remaining samples and stuffed them in his mouth, and walked off! Later, I learned that he was working for another company, our competition! What a strange guy. All he had to do was ask.)

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  • Kitty

    Couldn’t you shame him by loudly telling him to not take so many samples, other people might want some? Humiliation might make him stop.

    • Joana Hill

      The thing is, they would’ve been fine with him taking more. The baffling part was him sneaking around like he thought he had to steal it.

      • Max

        It’s because he was in a tuxedo. Makes a man think he’s James Bond.

        • NessaTameamea

          The word “tuxedo” made me immediately think of Tuxedo Mask, and now I imagine Bunny giving out the samples and Tuxedo Mask snatching them all from her like a ninja.

        • Anne

          It made me think of the Doctor Who episode “The Lazarus Experiment”…

          “Oh, look, they’ve got nibbles! I love nibbles.”

          • Bilynn

            I don’t know you, but I love you.

        • S123

          He was probably a secret agent the other company hired to steal the competition’s samples.

  • Andrew Shages

    Sounds to me that was his job: eliminate the competition’s samples.

    • adamsbja

      “Our product is so good even [competitor] can’t stop eating them!”

  • Matt Westwood

    Standard operating procedure, f*** up the competition.

  • Walt Gee

    I suppose competitor doesn’t pay him well if he needs to beg for a free food.

  • Lord Circe

    Reminds me of a kid at a summer camp I was helping out at. He kept ‘sneaking’ through the desert line and grabbing extra desserts, often by having his friends distract me or one of the other servers from stopping him from getting more than one, at which point he would run off crowing about how “everything’s bigger in Texas!”

    It warmed my heart to see him throwing up along the side of the trail on the hike the next day. I guess the six servings of cobbler he managed to steal didn’t end up agreeing with him.

    To be clear, I was a kid too at the time, so this isn’t me wishing pain on some younger kid I was watching over, it was me enjoying the pain of an obnoxious peer.

  • sackes

    Bill the competitor for all the samples their employee took….

  • Colin Danson

    A tuxedo at a fair? I call bullshit on this story. Just too many things that mark this as a fake story.

  • Reminds me of the first sale of the Nintendo Entertainment System in the US. Nintendo wasn’t a household name yet, of course, and this was following The Crash of ’83.

    Customer came into the FAO Schwarz (I think it was) where they’d set things up as soon as the store had opened, bought a system and a copy of every available game, so things were off to a great start.

    Turns out that first customer was working for a competitor of some kind. I think it was a little slower going after that for a bit.