The Shoes And The Bees

(I am the youngest of five girls on my mother’s side of the family. All of my cousins have become pregnant by the time they turned fifteen. My grandparents take it upon themselves to give me a little sex ed when I reach the same age.)

Grandma: “Now, dear, I know that sometimes it’s very tempting to lunge into things, but what I want you to remember is that women are like new shoes…” *continues to ramble along this vein, telling me a complicated parable regarding not becoming ‘just another old pair of shoes’*

Grandpa: *impatient, interrupting* “Oh, for f****’s sake! Don’t get pregnant before you’re married! I’ve had enough of that bull-s***!”

(And that was sex ed from my grandparents…!)