The Scots And The Irish Would Like To Have A Word

I’m with my three-year-old daughter at the park. She’s playing in the play area and I’m sitting nearby. An angry-looking woman storms over to me, pointing at my daughter.

Woman: “Is she your daughter?!”

Me: “Yes. Is something wrong?”

Woman: “Of course something is wrong! Why are you dyeing a baby’s hair?! Are you some psycho mom who uses your kids to get likes on TikTok or something?!”

Me: “What the h***?! I’ve never dyed her hair! Who dyes a toddler’s hair?!”

Woman: “Don’t lie just because you’re getting called out! Her hair is red!”

Me: “And… so is mine?”

Woman: “What disgusting business you want to do with your own hair is up to you, but to do it to a baby! It’s immoral! I’m going to call someone!”

Me: “Call who?! And tell them what? You’re upset that a toddler has natural red hair?”

Woman: “Red isn’t natural!”

Me: “Uh… yes, it is.”

Woman: “Hair comes in black, brown, and blonde! All the other colors are fake and attention-seeking!”

Me: “Red hair is a natural color, my dear, and if you don’t know that, then that’s an issue with you and your ignorance, not with me and my parenting. Now go away.”

Woman: “I’m going to call CPS! Make them come down here and take her away!”

Me: “Lady, what is your issue? Just look after your kid and I’ll look after mine.”

Woman: “I don’t have any kids! I just saw your kid and had to rush over!”

Me: *Standing up and adopting an aggressive posture.* “You don’t have any kids, so you came into a children’s play area to harass me and my daughter? Sorry, but I’m the one who should be calling someone! The police! Go away!”

Woman: *Backing off and finally walking away.* “Red hair is the devil! I’m going to call someone! They’ll do something!”

I don’t know who she called, but they’ve yet to “do something.”