The Sale Is Final But The Calls Are Not

I get a call and look up the customer’s purchase.

Customer: “Hello, I have a problem. My young son has, like, a mental problem, something wrong with him, but anyway, he made that purchase playing around on the computer because he didn’t realize what he was doing. Can you cancel it?”

Our system has a two-step verification system; when you make a purchase, we send a code to your mobile phone number that you will need to enter that verifies it is indeed you. I’m already detecting the BS.

Me: “One moment, please.”

I place the customer on hold. I read through the previous notes from different agents.

Note: “Called and said he found the same product with another company and asked us to match the price. Was told that we could not do this. Customer asked to cancel the purchase, was told that this particular sale was final, as was clearly stated on the website during the purchase.”

Note: *Timestamp, thirty minutes later* “Called and said he would not be able to attend the event; all three of his children were seriously sick. Asked for a refund. No refund possible in consideration of the previous contact that occurred only thirty minutes earlier.”

Note: *Timestamp, two hours later* “Called and said his mother had passed away, would not be able to attend event. Asked for a refund. Refund denied.”

Note: *Timestamp, one hour later* “Called and said someone had been using his credit card without permission and made the purchase. He was told that since this was a complaint involving credit card fraud that he would most likely need to do a chargeback with his credit card company, who would need for him to make a police report. He was further told that we would provide relevant information to assist in the criminal investigation. Customer hung up.”

We were already understaffed as it was, and customers who are kept on hold too long or hang up while on hold because of bozos like this are marked negatively on our team score sheet. This needed to be stopped.

Me: “Thank you for holding, [Customer]. Sir, we cannot refund this purchase or match the price of any competitor. THIS SALE IS FINAL. I’m sorry, but this is not anything that can be negotiated.”

Customer: “I told you, my son is mentally handicapped—”

Me: “This sale is final, [Customer].”

Customer: “I want the manager!”

Me: “This sale is final.”

Customer: “I can make a big deal out of this, you know! I’ll personally write the CEO and the board of directors!”

Me: “You’re welcome to approach this however you see fit. But this sale is final. Do you have any other questions that do not involve the cancellation of this purchase?”

Customer: “I’ve been recording this call, just to let you know—”

Me: *Immediately hangs up*

The following day, I checked the customer profile just to make sure he didn’t cause the team any further stress. He hadn’t called back, but I noticed after reviewing his purchase history that his family seemed to be “cursed”; his mother died three times, his children have either had cancer treatment or been in serious car accidents, his wife died twice, he was hospitalized after a serious accident…