The Regular Is Very Regular

(One of our regular customers is a man in his 60s. He comes in every day for cigarettes or coffee.)

Regular: “I need to use your bathroom.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(He heads to the back and enters the bathroom. I help some customers. A few minutes later he comes out.)

Regular: “You know, I had to go poo. I guess I wasn’t quite fast enough; I pulled down my pants and it just came out. I got half of it in my underwear, and caught some in my hands.”

(There is a long, awfully awkward silence between my coworker and I.)

Regular: “Well, I’ll see you later!

(He leaves.)

Coworker: “Don’t worry about cleaning the bathroom; you’re new. I’ll do it.”

(My coworker goes to clean the bathroom; I can hear him moaning.)

Coworker: “Eww! He got his mess in the sink! How could he do that? The sink is FOUR FEET away from the toilet!”