The Queen Of Hearts Goes To The Museum

I work at the front desk of a museum that is currently showing an exhibit about Leonardo DaVinci with a large portion of the exhibit dedicated to the Mona Lisa. This particular morning, an older woman in a floppy sun hat and a neck brace comes up to the counter.

Lady: “One senior for DaVinci, please.”

Me: “Absolutely. Would you like to go in at the soonest entry time?”

Lady: “Yes, please. Have you seen it yet?”

Me: “Oh, yes, at least four times already.”

Lady: “I was here yesterday, but it’s just like chocolate! I had to come back and see it again! I know it’s all replicas, but I think your Mona Lisa is even more wonderful than the real one! Oh, but can you believe someone would throw a rock at it? Or that someone would throw acid on it! Oh, thank goodness it only got on the bottom. But people like that, they ought to have their heads cut off! Cut off their heads! You know how people used to do that, cut people’s heads off? That’s what they ought to do: cut their heads off!”

Me: *Pause* “All right, that’ll be eight dollars. Can I get your zip code?”

Lady: “Oh, I don’t know anything dear.”

Me: “…”

Lady: “…”

I hit the “skip” option in the zip code field and begin handing her back her change.

Me: “Okay, two dollars is your change.”

Lady: “Oh, you keep that, dear. Go buy yourself an ice cream cone.”