The Psycho Path To A Break-Up

| Romantic | September 27, 2013

(I am dating a girl who has turned out to be borderline psychotic. I know it and want out, but her dad has gotten me my job, and I know if I dump her, I’d be fired. She has started calling me in the early hours of the morning, accusing me of being out.)

Me: *answering phone at 2 am* “Hello?”

Girlfriend: “Where are you?”

Me: “At home, asleep.”

Girlfriend: “Don’t lie to me. Jack and Jill said they saw you at a club.”

(This goes on a little while. Two days later, we’re at a party that Jack and Jill are at.)

Me: “Hey, [Girlfriend] said you guys saw me at a club a couple of nights ago. It wasn’t me, but you should say hi next time.”

Jack: “What are you talking about? We weren’t out that night.”

Jill: “Yeah, we weren’t even in the city.”

Girlfriend: “Uh, Jill, can I talk to you?”

(They go off for a minute, and I tell Jack what’s going on. The girls return.)

Jill: “Remember, Jack? We were out that night. We saw him over by that club.”

Jack: “We weren’t out that night. Are you crazy? We never saw him.”

Jill: “Yeah, we did.”

Jack: “No, we didn’t. I still have this receipt from that night showing we weren’t even close to the city.”

(Later, I get flak in front of her other friends for making her look bad. I just play the dutiful boyfriend and say I am trying to be friendly to her friends.)

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