The Process Of Elimination
(I am on the autism spectrum and my mind works in a very logical and analytical way. I’m having a quiet drink with a female friend (I’m also female) and a man is starting to bother us, staring in a creepy way and making lewd gestures. When I go to the bar he comes up to me.)
Man: “All right, sexy! Where’s your boyfriend?”
Me: “Well, that’s three assumptions you’ve made about me: that I’m heterosexual, that I have a boyfriend, and that I’m somehow not allowed to be out without a man. You know, only one of those is correct!”
Man: “Which one’s correct, then?”
Me: “Well, if you used your brain you’d realise that if the third statement is true then the first two must be, and if the second one is true then the first one must be. So it must be the first one, yes?”
Man: “What, so you’re telling me a lovely lady like you doesn’t have a boyfriend?”
Me: “That’s right.”
Man: “Why not?”
Me: “Is it compulsory for every woman to have a boyfriend?”
Man: “Well, no, but why don’t you?”
Me: “Perhaps I don’t want one?”
Man: “Why don’t you want one?”
Me: “Er… maybe because I’m married?”
Man: *he looks at my wedding ring and actually jumps backwards* “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO BEFORE?!”
Me: “Actually, you never asked. Nor did you ask if I were interested in you, which I’m clearly not. Now I’d appreciate it if you left me and my friend alone because we’re not interested and not because you think we ‘belong’ to another man!”
Man: “That’s fine by me. You’re both ugly, anyway!”
(That would explain why he called me ‘sexy’!)
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