The Position You Are Looking For Does Not Exist

, , , , , , , | Working | September 28, 2020

I work for a shop which is about to go under and close. All other locations are gone; we only keep the better selling spot for one last year to try and get all the inventory sold before we are over for good. Obviously, I’m not allowed to tell anyone about our situation.

Unfortunately, one of the “great” ideas higher-up management has to show us as still active and going is to advertise jobs open in the shop. I can’t take the sign down.

That leads to this happening a few times a week.

A job seeker comes in, CV in hand.

Job Seeker: “Hi, may I speak to the manager, please?”

The manager doesn’t even want to be disturbed about that at this point, and any employee is allowed to pretend to be the manager in such a case.

Me: “Yes, it’s me.”

Job Seeker: “Yes, I’m here to apply for [position].” 

Me: “Okay, I see. Actually, I’m not looking to hire anyone. If you insist on leaving your resume here, I’m turning around and putting it in the recycling.” *Points to the bin* “Seriously, don’t waste it.”

This is when they all give me the same look, thinking, “This a test! I’m going to prove my determination!”, and get into a self-selling speech. 

Me: “Yeah, that’s good but I’m not pretending. I’m not hiring and your resume really is going in recycling. This is not a test, filter technique, or any kind of trick. We are not hiring.” 

Job Seeker: “Here’s my availability and contact information.”

They push their resume to me on the counter, since I make no move to take it.

Job Seeker: “Thank you and I hope to hear from you soon!”

They walk away with confidence and no look back.

And… that’s when I grab the paper, turn around, and drop it in the recycling. 

I try. I try as hard as I can but they all leave their resumes with us.

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