The Poop Is Pun-gent

(This story takes place over text. I’m walking my dog and she eats some horse poop.)

Me: *texting Mom* “[Dog] ate some poop.”

Mom: “Yuck and ugh.”

Me: “I know… I hope it’s worth getting her teeth brushed really well. I think it was horse poo. Just a little bit, but gosh.”

Mom: “Oh, well, horse poo. That’s different. Still gross.”

Me: “Yeah, it was more like hay-ry apples. But very. I got some out of her mouth but any poo is too much to eat. Mare-y Christmas to her. Be home soon.”

Mom: “That’s mare-y funny.”

Me: “Sorry, are you a little hoarse? Okay, I’ve had en-hoof.”