The Pie Is A Lie

I am a baker but I also do customer service. Our bakery does a ton of pickup orders but we also have a selection of ready-made items to buy.

A customer walks in wanting to buy a pie for a birthday that evening. It’s late afternoon right now.

Me: “Hi there. What can I get you?”

Customer: “I wanted to get a pie for my friend’s birthday.”

Me: “Okay, what kind?”

Customer: “What kinds do you have without dairy? He is deathly allergic to dairy products.”

Me: “Well, at the moment, I don’t have any vegan pies, just conventional ones. So they all have dairy in them.”

Customer: “What about just an apple pie? Is there dairy in that?”

Me: “Yes. We use butter in the pie dough. For vegan pies we don’t, but I don’t have any ready-made.”

Customer: “Butter? Butter isn’t dairy.”

Me: “Um…”

I am trying not to be rude.

Me: “Yes, it is. Butter is dairy.”

Customer: “No, milk is dairy. Butter isn’t dairy. Butter is butter.”

Me: “Butter is made from cream. It is 100% dairy.”

Customer: “Well, he can have butter. Butter is fine. He is allergic to dairy. So no milk. Does that pie have milk in it?”

Me: “Technically… yes. If your friend is deathly allergic to dairy, then he can’t have any of the pies I have ready.”

Customer: “I said he can have butter. I’ll take the apple pie.”

Me: “Okay. But he shouldn’t eat it. He will die.”

Customer: “He just doesn’t like creamy things, okay? He doesn’t like the custard-y pies. I just wanted a pie with no dairy in it.”

Me: “Okay. I’m glad he won’t die.”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m sure you’re really glad.”

She angrily bought her pie and stormed out. After she left, I had flashbacks of working in fast food and customers ordering fries with no salt FOR HEALTH REASONS, thinking they were tricking me info making fresh fries… when they could have just asked for fresh ones. Sigh. Joke’s on them. I ALWAYS forgot to add the salt packets they would ask for.