The Oysters Contain Bacon

, , , | Right | January 15, 2020

Customer: *whilst ordering their meal* “I want you to tell the chef that I am a vegetarian, so he needs to make sure to keep my food away from any meat.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, and what can we get for you today?”

Customer: “I want to start out with the French onion soup, and then I’ll have the poached oysters, and… Can I order dessert after I finish the mains if I feel like it?”

Me: *pausing for a moment* “Ma’am, you said you were vegetarian; we are unable to serve vegetarian poached oysters.”

Customer: *blank stare* “What do you mean?”

Me: “Ma’am, oysters are molluscs; they’re a meat product.”

Customer: *even blanker stare* “No. Oysters are a plant. They grow in the sea, like seaweed.”

Me: *not even sure what to say to this* “Ma’am, I am very sorry, but the oyster dish contains a meat product. Could I recommend our vegetarian lasagne? It’s on special today and is really excellent.”

Customer: *looking completely confused* “You’re sure there’s meat in the poached oysters?”

Me: “I can fetch the chef or management if you wish to discuss it with them.”

Customer: “But… why can’t you tell me what meat is in the poached oysters?”

(I tried to explain for some minutes more before fetching a supervisor to deal with it. I don’t get paid enough to explain the evolution of the mollusc to customers.)

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