The Only Thing You’re Consuming Is All The Air In The Room

(This story was told to me by my store manager. We have a kids’ play kitchen set in a damaged box. A customer has gone to every single sales associate wanting a discount on this toy because of the packaging. When she can’t get her way, she demands to see a manager.)

Store Manager: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I want a 50% discount on this playset. The packaging is damaged.”

Store Manager: “I’m sorry, but we don’t give discounts on damaged packaging.”

(The customer then lets out a loud and dramatic huff, similar to that of a dying moose.)

Customer: “OH. MY. GOD. Are you serious?! I’m the consumer, and I know for a fact that the price is 80% the packaging and 40% the product. I should get a discount!”

Store Manager: “If the product is damaged, that’s a different story, but I’m sorry, we don’t hand out discounts on beat-up cardboard.”

Customer: *huff* “OH. MY. GOD! I’m the consumer!”

Store Manager: “Well, let’s go take a look at it and see if the product is damaged at all, or if it’s just the packaging.”

(Desperately trying to get her out of the store, the SM removes the tape and opens the box. She finds that there are several pieces missing, part of the microwave is broken and has sharp plastic edges, and the sound effects don’t work. It’s so damaged that we aren’t allowed to sell it. Not to mention that, right beside the damaged playset, there is an identical one in perfect condition.)

Store Manager: “Well, ma’am, I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is that the playset you’re interested in is too damaged to sell. The good news is that there is another set in pristine condition for you to purchase.”

Customer: “I want 75% off of the damaged one.”

Store Manager: “I can’t sell this one to you anymore; it is very damaged. I need to take it off of the sales floor. Please excuse me.”

Customer: *huff* “OH. MY. GOD. I can’t BELIEVE THIS! I’m the CONSUMER!”

(The customer continues to repeat this phrase as the SM takes the toy to the stock room. When she comes back out, the customer is right in her face.)

Customer: “What did you do with that playset? I want 75% off of it.”

Store Manager: “I have removed it from our inventory. It is no longer for sale.”

Customer: “What do you do with the stuff you can’t sell? Are you going to throw it out?!”

Store Manager: “Well, yes, ma’am, we have to.”

Customer: *huffs* “OH. MY. GOD.”

Store Manager: “Ma’am, I’m not sure I understand. There’s a perfectly good playset right over there–“

Customer: “I DON’T WANT THE TOY! I WANT A DISCOUNT! I’M THE CONSUMER!”

Store Manager: “I’m afraid that’s not going to happen. If there’s nothing else I can help you with, you’ll have to excuse me.”

(As the SM walks away, the customer lets out another, even louder huff that I’ve been told could be heard throughout the store.)

Customer: “BUT I’M THE CONSUMER!”

Customer #2: *who watched the entire thing go down* “Lady, we know. Now can I call you an ambulance or something? You sound like you’re having a stroke.”